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Buddhism, Marriage And Kids


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#1 Michael John Smith

Michael John Smith

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Posted 04 December 2008 - 08:23 PM

The intensity of my daily practices has led to equanimity arsing rapidly. My dear wife is feeling the effects - she feels she is no longer special and resents my “obsession” with Buddhism. So far I am taking this with equanimity and I know my love for her is not diminished, just the outward display she has come to expect is no longer present. There is some kind of struggle going on in both our minds. Unfortunately my wife still sees no real benefit in Buddhism - such is the result of my poor practice in the past, where I was definitely not a good example of a Buddhist. I remain confident however that this struggle will soon pass, as my practice improves she will see the benefits to both of us and our relationship will become still deeper, causing her less distress and presenting her with less worry.

Such is the confidence I experience in the Dharma now that I am making appropriate effort. I want to share this with you.

Further to this. We have a son, by good fortune also an aspiring Buddhist, despite my poor example. He has been exposed to a loving family and parents who obviously loved each other dearly. He has indicated to me he would also like to be a lay Buddhist - to start a family, one day - however he still lacks the motivation to make the right effort, as he thinks the only genuine Buddhists are monks. Again I wish to share with you my confidence in the Dharma that this conflict within my son will be resolved in a timely way. I am determined by making the right effort and being a better example to him, he will find it easier to make his decision and renounce cyclic existence and the mundane things in life.

I personally do not believe marriage and children are mundane things in this life. Neither do I believe everyone necessarily has to be highly accomplished spiritually before starting a family. I do not believe a partner or child of any kind can be a burden to a dedicated Buddhist and certainly there is no need to discard them lightly as attachments or any kind of black karmic seed.

This I too wish to share with you, such is my joy.




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