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m_v, September 10, 2008 in Buddhism and Sexuality
Dear m_v, nothing new I must say, but quite true indeed. I can easily find myself in many things you put forth, as a woman and a human being.
Just like you sayÃ¢â‚¬Â¦when there are more people telling me "Wow, how beautiful you are today!" I am probably "in love " - looking good to impress one person, or kind of depressed, looking to impress whomeverÃ¢â‚¬Â¦haha Ã¢â‚¬Â¦and when I do my practice (right) and I find more peace on the inside, the outter appearences matter little...though no one might invite me for a cappuchino , I don't mind.
Yet, this is my mindÃ¢â‚¬Â¦I think a good place to start with the honesty you mention m_v is with ourselves.
At the beginnig of my path, I was fast to start thinking it would be great if I could just become a nun and spend my life practicing, simple life, shaved head, one robeÃ¢â‚¬Â¦so greatÃ¢â‚¬Â¦(well, everything but that shaved head part )
But who would I be kidding? Changing hairstyle, be it coloring your hair and wearing nice clothes to appear more beautiful or shaving the hair off and dress up in marron robes to appear more seriously practicing, for someone like me, are just two sides of the same coinÃ¢â‚¬Â¦as is everyhting in betweenÃ¢â‚¬Â¦I lived a life for a while of a lay person but almost as if I were in a monastery (monastery of my mind of course), becasue of all the rules I imposed on myslefÃ¢â‚¬Â¦you see, the problem is, whatever others project on me or whatever I pretend to beÃ¢â‚¬Â¦I can never escape my own mindÃ¢â‚¬Â¦the mind which in many ways is exactly as you described it m_v...
the more my mind is disturbed, the more I will notice (interesing/beautiful) (wo)men arround me, and the more I am at peace, the more I am self-sufficient in a way, so I might not feel unpleasant or disappointed by (wo)men, becasuse I might not have any expectiations from themÃ¢â‚¬Â¦the wall between might be your fallen expectations? no expectations, no disappointments, no walls = much better communication?
To me it makes sense to focus our judgemental mind (of any gender) back on itself.
...we would better focus on our true realisation and strict analysis of phenomenas in ourselves, i.e. learning. if one is not realised one's perception of others is unavoidably wrong and non-sense. though one can always talk about logic and the result of his analysis of phenomenas generally.
Funny, we could not agree more
what you worte in your first post - which to me sounds as a "preacher" like analysis - describes much my own mindÃ¢â‚¬Â¦so from my point of view, your analysis is a valid one, but that of a preacher, I said, becasue you analyse the "foults", "stupidity",Ã¢â‚¬Â¦of everyone else as if you were above the situation, the omniscient oneÃ¢â‚¬Â¦but if all we perceive is our own projection, these analysis "preachers" make about everyone else to me sound as a little place to hide from themsleves - well, that's what I'd tend to do anyhowÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ so the relevance was to say look, my mind also, Iets work on it (like you say just above) rather then hide ouverselves from ourselves behind our wrong and non-sense perceptions of othersÃ¢â‚¬Â¦but of course, I am ignorant, so I do have a judgemental mind to work on; with a Boddhisatva mind, indeed, it is off the topic to tell you you better be honest with yourself and refocus on your judgemental mind, so my appologies and much respect!
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We can perceive beauty in the human form, nature or the mind, whether our own or someone elseÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s. What I think we must be careful of is making something permanent out of something, which is not and something that should be enjoyed in its fleeting nature. The beautiful young lady will grow old and to many, including herself, ugly. The mind will lose its capacity to analyse and watch itself, dying with the body. I think we would do better to make use of what we perceive as temporally beautiful as some kind of encouragement in our practice and particularly mindfulness. Many religions use flowers at their funeral services and to adorn graves, as they are symbolic of both the beauty and impermanence of life. We should recognise that this human body is not just a living corpse. In the first instance it is beautiful, as it provides endless possibilities for growth and development and only then turns into a corpse. We should be careful not to turn our back completely on beauty or I think we shall lose the value beauty has to nourish our practice. Our practice will become more difficult without the space beauty has to offer. I walk amidst the beauty of nature or listening to beautiful music can be a very beneficial prelude to meditation. Equally we must not become too distracted by perceived beauty and of course we must feel pity towards those for whom their own beauty means absolutely everything, if only because they are attached to something so obviously impermanent.
I believe our society works through appearance. So to be very beautiful and attractive in order to be able to reach many beings and be able to help them is something very different. So not, I am making myself beautiful because I feel ugly or not nice enough, but because by following certain characteristics of our society we do enable ourselves a wider field of action.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama said that if he would reincarnate as a woman he would be very attractive.
There are many ways of being beneficial for the others, I am sure, and I am not an expert. But, to be honest. If one wishes to work within Samsara and to work in various ways, one also needs to understand that appearance might play a big role.
Then about feeling pleasantness. Pleasantness is pleasantness. Nothing wrong with it. But of course it does not include dwelling on it and making a big thing out of it. It is a moment. As it came it also passes.
Being beautiful is nice I think, having a loving and compassionate heart with it, even more nice, then deepening our wisdom and acting for the benefit of others also nice
I personally have never read that unattractiveness is prerequisite for helping others, and also I did not read the opposite. I guess it can be a matter of choosing our field in which we would like to be most beneficial for the others.
* and then also...what an astonishing effect does a charming woman, who wholeheartedly practices for the benefit of the others, make on 'appearance oriented society' ...
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