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Geblendet

What can i do???

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Hi to everyone, first at all i have to say that my english is really bad, so it can be that some words i use are not that one i mean :? , but i think the smileys help a bit :wink:

 

 

Ok, this wednesday i had a experience wich changed my life and my thinking, but i feel that i forget it more and more, day for day and every second i life here.

Im 19 and came from vienna, and read some books about buddhismus a few days before that. Much things i read i understanded, and some things i dont, some thing i thought i understand, but realized that i dont understanded it right... so i lifed on like everyday but as a better human as before.

 

And this wednesday i came home and sitted down in front of my computer like everyday and played civilization 3. I smoked a pipe because im a unky :cry: and falled into daydreaming. I dont know the word in english, its when u look at a point for long time and your mind is somewhere else, deep into thoughts.

when i do this i dont realize that im doing this, so i dont realized what im thinking at the first time. i thought about the thinks i read in this books, and a thought life dont excists and i have to fly away from all this arround me. a last thought in my head was that i dont should identify myself with all the feelings i have and at this point i really get shocked 8O , i just remembered myself. I falled into a familiar state wich i have forgotten in my childhood (i think). Everything what i interpreted as my body, as my self in my life was away, my mind talked, but my body was quiet... away. But the best thing in this expierience was the luck i feeled. it was all i realized, but it was everywhere :P . For me it feeled like i everytime had this state, but the feelings i have retard me to see whats really going on. :(

It was the best expierience in my life and everything was so clear at this moment.... aeh not clear, clear is the wrong word, everything just get nonrelevant. It feeled like the freedom wich i searched my whole life, but the problem is... im not able to get this state again. :roll:

I tried it with meditation, but my thoughts dont let me through, and at this moment im scared that i dont get free. :cry: The Christs everytime telled me that i come to heaven when im a good human, when i just do good things, but they never telled me that my thoughts are the important things. Btw, i never was a real christ, but its our religion.

Because of this i read more about that what buddah said, but my problem get bigger, because i cant go this way he did.... i have to work, i have to watch for my mother (thats why i cant go away from austria) and everytime there are so much humans arround me who wanna here excuses for everything i do. :evil: They tell me so much, and everthing they tell me is so unimportant for me, but i need that to survive here. How can i give answers to questions i dont understand?

When i feel thats somethings right, but dont can explain the reason in words, than i cant give them a answer.

 

I dont know what i have to do, the only thing i know is, that i dont want to go the path i went before.

 

I hope someone here can show me the way... i know i have to go it allone, but without a map im sure that i fall into the darkness again.

 

I heard we have 2 temples here in austria, maybe i should go there and find myself, but whatever i will reach im so thankful that there are people who know what to do, because im not able to find it out for myself..... :roll:... I still cant believe that i just forgott who i am...

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theres something i have to say to this. Maybe when u read this u think that it makes me angry what i know, but im really happy for that, the only thing is that that what i want to become looks million miles away from me....

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Hi, Gablendet!

 

I am certainly not the person to help, but I believe you can get some help on this web site from others. But still, if the state you are discribing was not 'a pipe effect' :), maybe this will help you. It is chapter from a book by Krishnamurti. Perhaps it addresses a similar (if not more potent) experience. I hope it can help.

 

But first, drop the pipe and the computer games!, they destroy your focus and attention! Go out walking and get some fresh air! Relax and drink a lot of cold water! Hot tea would be better, you might catch a cold! :)

 

Also - it is always a good thing to look for help with a buddhist community, go there and they might help you.

 

Bye bye, and take care,

MindOnly

 

================

COMMENTARIES ON LIVING SERIES II CHAPTER 36 'AN EXPERIENCE OF BLISS'

 

IT WAS A VERY hot and humid day. In the park many people were stretched out on the grass or sitting on benches in the shade of the heavy trees; they were taking cool drinks and gasping for clean, fresh air. The sky was grey, there was not the slightest breeze, and the fumes of this vast mechanized city filled the air. In the country it must have been lovely, for spring was just turning into summer. Some trees would just be putting forth their leaves, and along the road which ran beside the wide, sparkling river, every kind of flower would be out. Deep in the woods there would be that peculiar silence in which you can almost hear things being born, and the mountains, with their deep valleys, would be blue and fragrant. But here in the city...!  

    Imagination perverts the perception of what is; and yet how proud we are of our imagination and speculation. The speculative mind, with its intricate thoughts, is not capable of fundamental transformation; it is not a revolutionary mind. It has clothed itself with what should be and follows the pattern of its own limited and enclosing projections. The good is not in what should be, it lies in the understanding of what is. Imagination prevents the perception of what is, as does comparison. The mind must put aside all imagination and speculation for the real to be.  

    He was quite young, but he had a family and was a businessman of some repute. He looked very worried and miserable, and was eager to say something.  

    "Some time ago I had a most remarkable experience, and as I have never before talked about it to anyone I wonder if I am capable of explaining it to you; I hope so, for I cannot go to anybody else. It was an experience which completely ravished my heart; but it has gone, and now I have only the empty memory of it. perhaps you can help me to get it back. I will tell you, as fully as I can, what that blessing was. I have read of these things, but they were always empty words and appealed only to my senses; but what happened to me was beyond all thought, beyond imagination and desire, and now I have lost it. Please do help me to get it back." He paused for a moment, and then continued.  

    "I woke up one morning very early; the city was still asleep, and its murmur had not yet begun. I felt I had to get out, so I dressed quickly and went down to the street. Even the milk truck was not yet on its rounds. It was early spring, and the sky was pale blue. I had a strong feeling that I should go to the park, a mile or so away. From the moment I came out of my front door I had a strange feeling of lightness, as though I were walking on air. The building opposite, a drab block of flats, had lost all its ugliness; the very bricks were alive and clear. Every little object which ordinarily I would never have noticed seemed to have an extraordinary quality of its own, and strangely, everything seemed to be a part of me. Nothing was separate from me; in fact, the`me' as the observer, the perceiver, was absent, if you know what I mean. There was no `me' separate from that tree, or from that paper in the gutter, or from the birds that were calling to eac

h other. It was a state of consciousness that I had never known. "On the way to the park," he went on, "there is a flower shop. I have passed it hundreds of times, and I used to glance at the flowers as I went by. But on this particular morning I stopped in front of it. The plate glass window was slightly frosted with the heat and damp from inside, but this did not prevent me from seeing the many varieties of flowers. As I stood looking at them, I found myself smiling and laughing with a joy I had never before experienced. Those flowers were speaking to me, and I was speaking to them; I was among them, and they were part of me. In saying this, I may give you the impression that I was hysterical, slightly off my head; but it was not so. I had dressed very carefully, and had been aware of putting on clean things, looking at my watch, seeing the names of the shops, including that of my tailor, and reading the titles of the books in a book shop window. Everything was alive, and I loved everything. I was the scent of those flowers, but there was no `me' to smell the flowers, if you know what I mean. There was no separation between them and me. That flower shop was fantastically alive with colours, and the beauty of it all must have been stunning, for time and its measurement had ceased. I must have stood there for over twenty minutes, but I assure you there was no sense of time. I could hardly tear myself away from those flowers. The world of struggle, pain and sorrow was there, and yet it was not. You see, in that state, words have no meaning.  

    Words are descriptive, separative, comparative, but in that state there were no words; `I' was not experiencing, there was only that state, that experience. Time had stopped; there was no past, present or future. There was only - oh, I don't know how to put it into words, but it doesn't matter. There was a presence - no, not that word. It was as though the earth, with everything in it and on it, were in a state of benediction, and I, walking towards the park, were part of it. As I drew near the park I was absolutely spellbound by the beauty of those familiar trees. From the pale yellow to the almost black-green, the leaves were dancing with life; every leaf stood out separate, and the whole richness of the earth was in a single leaf. I was conscious that my heart was beating fast; I have a very good heart, but I could hardly breathe as I entered the park and I thought I was going to faint. I sat down on a bench, and tears were rolling down my cheeks. There was a silence that was utterly unbearable, but that silence was cleansing all things of pain and sorrow. As I went deeper into the park, there was music in the air. I was surprised, as there was no house nearby, and no one would have a radio in the park at that hour of the morning. The music was part of the whole thing. All the goodness, all the compassion of the world was in that park, and God was there.  

    "I am not a theologian, nor much of a religious person," he continued. "I have been a dozen times or so inside a church, but it has never meant anything to me. I cannot stomach all that nonsense that goes on in churches. But in that park there was Being, if one may use such a word, in whom all things lived and had their being. My legs were shaking and I was forced to sit down again, with my back against a tree. The trunk was a living thing, as I was, and I was part of that tree, part of that Being, part of the world. I must have fainted. It had all been too much for me: the vivid, living colours, the leaves, the rocks, the flowers, the incredible beauty of everything. And over all was the benediction of...  

    "When I came to, the sun was up. It generally takes me about twenty minutes to walk to the park, but it was nearly two hours since I had left my house. physically I seemed to have no strength to walk back; so I sat there, gathering strength and not daring to think. As I slowly walked back home, the whole of that experience was with me; it lasted two days, and faded away as suddenly as it had come. T

hen my torture began. I didn't go near my office for a week. I wanted that strange living experience back again, I wanted to live once again and forever in that beatific world. All this happened two years ago. I have seriously thought of giving up everything and going away into some lonely corner of the world, but I know in my heart that I cannot get it back that way. No monastery can offer me that experience, nor can any candle lit church, which only deals with death and darkness. I considered making my way to India, but that too I put aside. Then I tried a certain drug; it made things more vivid, and soon, but an opiate is not what I want. That is a cheap way of experiencing, it is a trick but not the real thing.  

    "So here I am," he concluded. "I would give everything, my life and all my possessions, to live again in that world. What am I to do?"  

    It came to you, sir, uninvited. You never sought it. As long as you are seeking it, you will never have it. The very desire to live again in that ecstatic state is preventing the new, the fresh experience of bliss. You see what has happened: you have had that experience, and now you are living with the dead memory of yesterday. What has been is preventing the new.  

    "Do you mean to say that I must put away and forget all that has been, and carry on with my petty life, inwardly starving from day to day?"  

    If you do not look back and ask for more, which is quite a task, then perhaps that very thing over which you have no control may act as it will. Greed, even for the sublime, breeds sorrow; the urge for the more opens the door to time. That bliss cannot be bought through any sacrifice, through any virtue, through any drug. It is not a reward, a result. It comes when it will; do not seek it.  

    "But was that experience real, was it of the highest?"  

    We want another to confirm, to make us certain of what has been, and so we find shelter in it. To be made certain or secure in that which has been, even if it were the real, is to strengthen the unreal and breed illusion. To bring over to the present what is past, pleasurable or painful is to prevent the real. Reality has no continuity. It is from moment to moment, timeless and measureless.

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Because of this i read more about that what buddah said, but my problem get bigger, because i cant go this way he did.... i have to work, i have to watch for my mother (thats why i cant go away from austria) and everytime there are so much humans arround me who wanna here excuses for everything i do. They tell me so much, and everthing they tell me is so unimportant for me, but i need that to survive here. How can i give answers to questions i dont understand?

When i feel thats somethings right, but dont can explain the reason in words, than i cant give them a answer.

 

I dont know what i have to do, the only thing i know is, that i dont want to go the path i went before.

 

I hope someone here can show me the way... i know i have to go it allone, but without a map im sure that i fall into the darkness again.

 

I heard we have 2 temples here in austria, maybe i should go there and find myself, but whatever i will reach im so thankful that there are people who know what to do, because im not able to find it out for myself..... ... I still cant believe that i just forgott who i am...

Do you know that Lama Shenphen Rinpoche is going to Vienna about twice or three times per year? May be you can take a visit to him.

 

Be careful when chosing your teacher and your Lama. Do not base your judgment on titles but on the real qualities of the person. In Austria, as almost everywhere, you have people who pretend to be "Lama", without all the qualification for that!

 

But, by the way, you can become Buddhist while continuing your lay life. No need to be monk, or to go to India to follow the Buddha's Path! There are many books, and several teachers now in the West, you can teach about how to train the mind, to discipline de thoughts, to walk on the Path to Enlightenment! :)

 

Best regards,

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Hi again :)

 

First, thanks for your answers ;), i looked for a community near me and what a luck, theres one (æ#150;BR). There are workshops and much more, i will check that out.

 

I dont know whos a "real" lama (and i cant explain you whats a lama ^^), and who not... Is it so that just one lama teaches you, or can u go to more people?

 

Because of the temple.... when i was really young (im still young [19]) i wanted to become a priest. I dont knowed why, but it just was a wish and after the years that wish died. but not because it just was a youthdream, it died because i realized that, to be a catolic priest isntn that i want. There where rulez i dont understanded. They telled me thinks i should believe, but they couldnt give me one proof that they talk the truth. So that wish was away and someday i saw a movie about shaolin monks. Omg, i still remember how cool they where for me ;). So strong and wise. But lets be realistic ^^, someone like me isntn able to reach that lvl of control. So i read more, i read about ghosts, about ufos, about OBES, about psi, about everything wich can make me mightier. Maybe i played to much computergames :lol: but than i find the buddhism. At first it was just a laugh, because i thought its a religion like every other. Theres a god and angelstuff and prophets and nobody knows whats going on, but that wasent so. in the buddhism they tell you how it is, why it is, and how u can reach it. And thats the point why im so fascinated. It excists so long, and nobody telled me from that ^^, but back to the temple. After that all i remembered my wish from the youth and i thought, maybe something in me knowed what will happen. Maybe something in me just wanted to tell me "Hey, be a monk, it will be the best for you!". Maybe not... but it doesnt matter :D .

in a temple you have peace and nobody bother you, but outside theres so much trouble around you. And when i work... isntn that bad? Because in work there are problems to. thinks wich have be done and a chef who stresses you because he want something, and at night u have to thing about the next day, because when u come to work you have to do this and that and the this from that that and so on, ^^.

 

Oke, but however, i dont know nothing now, and how i said i will go to that community ;), maybe i change my mind and im sure in the next days everything will change :). The most important thing is that i now know that theres a way to get healed, or better explained... that im some kind of sick.

 

Do you know that Lama Shenphen Rinpoche is going to Vienna about twice or three times per year? May be you can take a visit to him.  
No i dont knowed that, but i live in Vienna :). The problem is my english, i dont think i understand him :-/.

 

Ok, thanks again for your help :), i wish you all the best, and now i go to bed ^^. its 1 am :lol:

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Hello,

I hope you slept well! :wink: Shaoling monk? Yes, also a dream of my childhood, with the TV serial "Kung Fu" with David Karadine :lol: But indeed, Buddhism is not only this :)

 

æ#150;BR is not a community, but a kind of society which represent Budddhism in Austria, composed of different groups.

In Vienna, you have a small community we know well:

==

Buddhist Association 'Shenphen Rime Tschöling'

Austrian branch of Dharmaling International

Ameisgasse 63/1/5, A-1140 Wien, Austria

http://wald.heim.at/wienerwald/551034/

==

 

Best regards

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Hello,

No i dont knowed that, but i live in Vienna :). The problem is my english, i dont think i understand him :-/
We might surely understand each other! :wink: English is also not my primary language. And in case of difficulty, there is a translator when I go to Vienna.

To start with, you might read the "Four Noble Truths", on this Web site. To know about books in German, you can contact the Budhist association (address in the message above) we have in Vienna. Then, you can ask your questions on this forum. :D

If you have any more private questions, you can send to "sangha@dharmaling.net". A monk will answer you.

 

All the very best, Gelong T. Shenphen

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Hi again :), yeah i slept well, thank you. I stopped smoking yesterday for the rest of my life 8O .

We had no Kung Fu series but i have a tape at home, in english the name is "Shaolin Kung Fu - In the centre of energy - 1500 years Shaolin Temple". Thats a reportage about them from 1995. The movie´s from Herbert Fechter and the idea from Jian Wang ;).

I will bookmark that page and read it today, i have to help someone with his computer in a few minutes :roll: .

 

@ LamaShenphen

 

Thank you very much for that email :) i have much questions :D. And i already read the four Noble truths but not on this page... i tried it, but the englisch was too extrem ^^. I have to read it often that i dont forget them, but that was that what i meaned with "So i lived on as a better human". After the first day i read my reclam book the people asked me "Hey fernandez, wazzup with you?? Y u are so happy???".. "because theres nothing to be worry about :)". I mutated in a few days from a pessimist to an optimist and really everything changed, just because my thinking changed.

 

Oke, now i really have to go, i dont want to let my neighbor wait, because when i waitto long, she will take hear computer and through it to the closed window :D

 

Thanks for your helpfulness, have a nice day :P

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Hello everyone again :)

 

Theres no subject where i can post this, so i write it here, that i dont spam

your board with new Topics ^^

 

I returned because i want to ask when Lama Shenphen Rinpoche comes to Vienna, and where

he will be and about what topics he will talk. Im sure i read somewhere something about the april 2004,

i hope i dont missed him. :oops:

 

bye bye :wink:

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