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Csillag

Energy of anger

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Tashi delek :hello:

 

I have a problem with one of my family members. Since an accident with her brain caused by doctors, she is no more the person she was. She is full of hatered and takes a pleasure in hurting other people. To have this in the family is not very easy.

 

I try to practice my patience on her, but I have a difficulty:

When she shouts or just say very hurting things, or things in a very hateful way, her energy goes through my body, the energy of """""immense hatred""""""". :twisted:

I have then this energy also in my body, not in a way 1: 1 anger ( that just happened in the past ) , but my body feels then different.

I get weak in my whole body, get pain at my back, my knees start little bit to tremble and I have just one thought to get away from her.It is feeling like her aura goes into mine, I feel this whole thing almost as physical.

I am happy that I did not scream at her, or got really angry, I try to see her as a sick person, and I think of that she just causes suffering for herself and for her sourrounding, so actually I am training myself to feel sorry for her.

 

Maybe I am very much of sensitive nature; even foreign people when I just see them from behind in the metro I can feel sometimes if this person is of bad energy or not, and many times I am right, because as I pass those people quickly, I can see that they are mentally sick, talking with themselves.

Also such things I can feel at my body, and this is not comfortable for me.

 

 

In never met any buddhist teaching on this subject how to deal with the energy of another person that comes into your body, ......what can we do in such a case ?

 

With all my best wishes

Csillag

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Guest Ani.Chödrön

Tashi Delek dear Csillag,

 

I cannot give you an answer because I don’t see and understand the situation well enough. But I’ve come across the topic quite some times and I can share my opinion with you.

 

There are for sure some people who are more sensitive about the movements of the landscape of their life then the others. Sensitivity usually benefits the communication between oneself and the others, but oversensitivity causes blockages in communication. So, what to do to use this sensitivity in a beneficial way?

I guess the answer is always individual, but I’ve found something in common: putting too much concern and energy to what other think or how they act creates a habit which disperses one from his own inner centre and brings disbalance. ://

One might guess other’s thought or similar, we are not that very much separated anyhow, one might get “absorbed” in others’ energy in a way, but what I find important here is to keep the inner stability. l-)

 

What might help is to change the habitual pattern of relating to the others. If you can when the intensive thoughts or feeling of this kind appear, just let them go, don’t stop at them. :v

This also means kindness to oneself. :) Because when one is oversensitive about the others it is usually not about the extra positive feelings, but the sharp, chaotic, sad ones. :x When those feelings enter your mind you can deal with them as if they were yours – which is already true in a way. Gently, kindly, calming and soothing your emotional and mental state.

And do looooots of shine, to make the inner stability firm as mount Meru. :wink: (I see a need for a better shine in every aspect of my life so I emphasise this need also here. :lol: )

 

I think working on inner stability – at that moments and in general – is much more effective then analysing others. After you know how to help yourself you can help the others – with the same sensitivity, just holding the bridle yourself this time. Training to deal with turbulent emotions means dealing with your mind. It might be healing and I believe it holds a great potential for the practice. <|:)

 

All the very best,

chödrön

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Tashi delek :hello:

 

Because when one is oversensitive about the others it is usually not about the extra positive feelings, but the sharp, chaotic, sad ones.  :x

 

I have this oversensitivity since I would say one year, but it began slowly before 3-4 years it seems to get stronger, maybe because of meditation, and maybe also because of my education for becoming a psychotherapist which pushes me in the direction to become more sensitive towards others.

 

The good, nice things I can feel as well, not just the bad ones.

Of course with the good ones I have no problem, and I do not think much about it, but I develop then a sort of attachment wanting to be in the near of people who have good vibrations,......but the bad ones, oh they really disturb me. In this way more focus gets on the bad ones, because i want to get it away,....as I am samsaric person. :<

With time I can get the energy out of my body ( when somebody directly attacts me ), sometimes it just needs 30 minutes to get it out, but still it disturbes me that it happens at all

 

I thought about just to let it as it be, but it is really unconfortable, and as I will work in future with people, this could also become an problem for my working with people when they shout at me. At my work I will not have the possibility to go away, I have to stay and bear the energy.....

 

Actually I am looking for an method for the situation when somebody attacs me, what I can do then. Maybe my question does not belong into a Forum, ........I will turn to one of my teachers. Anyway thank you very much for your answer

 

Nevertheless I would appreciate it if someone who has similar experience as me, or had something like this and """overcame"""" it, could tell me something to this, or if somebody was ever reading about such a thing, and knows therefore sth. about it, for an answer I would be grateful.

 

With all my best wishes

Csillag

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Tashi delek :hello:

 

When those feelings enter your mind you can deal with them as if they were yours – which is already true in a way.

 

I`ve forgotten to mention, that I found this sentence very interesting, but the problem is that the feelings, they appear somehow as mine in that moment, and at the same time as not mine.It feels really strange. So it would be interesting how it would be if I would take them as mine...maybe then it becomes even worse ;-)

....just kidding, although ones own anger is harmful enough,......

so with this you were giving me indirectly the idea of using Tonglen. So I will try that next time and then report if it helped.

 

I`ll hope in the hot situation I will be able to remember Tonglen, being able to use it during having to respond to her shoutings or whatever. .

 

Nevertheless: I am looking for something which stopps this sensitivity.

I do meditation for hours per day regularly, and of course shine is never enough until we did not perfect it....but in the past when I did not meditate so much, I had not these problems.

So I wonder if it comes with time because of meditation, is it an normal process which goes then one day away, or it is abnormal, ....??

 

With all my best wishes

Csillag

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Tashi Delek, Csillag.

 

I can describe you one of my experiences, which happened to me in the place I work. One man, who spent all his money on some needless and useless and not to say stupid things came and started not to shout on me, yet to threatened to me. He was frustrated, because he has to provide for his own family. First, I was surprised. Then arose in me a feeling how wrong did he act with his money and that he was angry not on me, yet on his wrong doing in the past. I was calm, because I understood his anger was directed on himself, not on me actually. I asked him a few questions and he calmed down. Then we were able to talk normally. It was that I agreed with his anger in a way. When I was thinking about that event later, I found out that people are taking a kind of a space in ourselves. To some we give that space, the others just take it. Yet, it is difficult not to become infected by the others. People are coming and leaving our lifes, non-stop. Maybe, when they come, we should just accept them, listen what they have to tell, embrace them (all of them!) in a way and when they leave, we should give them (all of them!) a chance to leave? But, this is already a path of the Bodhisattva, who cares for all sentient beings (also soldiers, murderers, rapists, child abusers,...) equally and not become infected.

 

 

Best regards,

 

Simona

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Tashi Delek, Csillag

 

When she shouts or just say very hurting things, or things in a very hateful way, her energy goes through my body, the energy of """""immense hatred""""""". :twisted:  

I have then this energy also in my body, not in a way 1: 1 anger ( that just happened in the past ) , but my body feels then different. Csillag

 

 

Dealing with people you get a good chance to meditate on words as energy source. :lol:

 

But try to meditate on it as you face this situation ! :) Try to analise where this energy is :idea: Where does it go to :?:

 

If energy hurts :crunch: where does it hurt :crunch:

 

What is it that this words, or energy hurts ? :<

 

Meditate on words = energy and if you desintegrate energy down to :< :loco:

 

 

Think of emptiness is form, form is emptiness.

 

I think this way its easier to l-)

 

 

Best wishes

 

Jure

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Guest Ani.Chödrön

Tashi Delek,

 

Actually I am looking for an method for the situation when somebody attacs me

 

recently i had an opportunity to practice confrontation to anger and similar strong emotions. I prefer to lean on the method too - this way I can focus better and rely more that my ego is at least a little bit under control. :lol:

As you have noticed, I used tonglen a lot, analysis in the direction that Jure suggested was very useful, and leaning on the most tender, gentle and soft feelings towards this person (established during a regular meditation so that they could work in practical situation). But besides this also a kind of improvisation, which was dealing with the actual emotions/thoughts that were waving in my mind at that moment.

Sometimes I was more occupied with methods then words :maybe: (with energetic aspects of words rather then their content), but it worked out well. I guess there was not much need for rationality.

 

So it would be interesting how it would be if I would take them as mine...maybe then it becomes even worse

 

I don't think so. I see the tough situations as a mirror of the unknown aspects of my own mind. As a new mindscape. 8O Maybe it is not my habitual pattern and it will dissolve quickly in another state of mind, but nevertheless it is here now and it is up to me to find the most appropriate attitude towards it, the most balanced the better. On the first place accepting it: it is here and my mind tends to get excited, so I should stabilise and harmonise it again.

It means getting familiar with the different colours, shapes and movements of my mind, searching for an attitude which could include silence or space within and trying to keep it longer then for an instant. -8)-

 

If one is acceptive, as Simona said, then most people feel it and calm down themselves. :D But there are others who put you in a certain role and don’t really want to lose this role because their own self-image is strongly connected to it. But nevertheless, at least you do not create negativities if the other cannot be helped. :)

(I guess that in order to be helped one needs to recognize a mistaken view/attitude within himself, otherwise all the help is just a cosmetic change.)

 

All the very best,

chödrön

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Tashi Delek.

 

What I accept is an energy, for example in the anger. Cause there is no negative energy, it is the energy drawn in the negative way. But the energy itself is not bad (well, this is what I believe in). And the next step is to disidentify the person from the way s/he react. And to be aware that s/he react in some particular way, that s/he is used to react. Cause a reaction is mere someone`s interpretation of some impulses. To change the negative reaction into positive one, the first step is important, which will make some new tracks in the mind. Yet, it should be a positive act and it could be by experiencing a compassion, love and understanding.

 

Best regards,

 

Simona

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Tashi Delek,

 

if the house is closed, the air in it is stuffy, :x if you open it, it can ventilate and the air is fresh. Sometimes it is cold, sometimes it is warm.

 

What I find most important in those situations is not to close our mind, to let everything that is happening around us to just fulfil its purpose.

 

When this outburst of anger or hatred comes, it is important to open your mind, because this is the only way to find a solution for this situation – if the solution is needed.

 

And you know best which way suits you most, so that you can confront the situation in the best possible way. Your Dharma friends told you some recipes, you can use some of these or make your own mix. With an opened mind and big big heart :% you will succeed.

 

Sometimes we are attached to what is going on with us, not only to good, but also to bad, because we are used to it. Try to be as much impartial in those situations, not to get too much involved in them, so that you can see what is really going on.

 

In the critical situations we often forget the goal that we have set some time ago or that we have not set yet. So it is important that we focus more to what we intend and this way we are less burdened with others’ actions, words and similar. Do not neglect your duties at that times.

 

I was receiving this kind of advices at hard times that I had. They helped me a lot.

 

I wish you all the best,

 

Tchökyi :D

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this is a great topic that i too have encountered. I am a buddhist, and I have found that after meditating for about 10 years now, that i pick up on peoples energies, both good and bad. I have encountered this same problem person that sends out the most violent anger energy towards everyone, and no matter how much compassion you generate towards this person, you still feel the negative energy just entering into your chakras and what feels like your body. I even tried to just let go and absorb the energy while visualising the person in a happier mood, but it did not work. there anger just overcame them after a short period of time. i tried mantras, and eveything. but still nothing; then i came across a friend who practices chi energy work, and she informed me of a very powerful technique that can be combined with the compassion visualisation, to block anothers negative energy from being destructive to yours.

 

in martial arts you hold your arms out straight and visualise the prana, chi, or whatever you wish to call the life force energy of the universe, as an unbreakable solid force,like an a steel solid ray of light unbreakable. an infinite ray of light. this is the force that martial artists use to break boards with there hands, but for the buddhist, just imagine this unbreakable energy coming from your center, and extending to infinity. nothing negative can penetrate this light, and it isnt destructive. this force makes the flesh of martials arists unbreakable. it is the same light we see in meditation used in a different way. all good energy may come and go, but all harmful intentions and energies are now blocked.

 

the energy that is extending is not harmful to the attacker, it just blocks out any negative energies or intentions that the attacker is emanating towards you. now at the same time visualise compassion towards the person.

 

when i was getting daily attacks from this individual, it felt like my heart center was being crushed and i felt the exact same symptoms as you. I have been practicing this technique whenever i encounter this person, and it has been working. it takes a little practice, but it does work, and is peacful in nature.

 

a final note, there is a difference bettween this type of person, and the usual angry person, the attack for all those who have never experienced it, is a form of negative energy attack. it is literally one step away from being a physical attack. It is much different then just an angry person that can be tamed with patience and compassion. when you have no choice but to deal with this person one on one almost every day, then you should generate the field of infinite light for your own well being.(and theirs) you can have compassion for them, and they can be angry, but they have no right to violate your personal energy center or happiness. Unbalanced energy in the body throws off everything else, and causes your whole system to be unstable. especially when you are striving for there peace!

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Tashi Delek, infinitelight.

 

Thank you for your advice. It would be also good to know what makes someone angry, the mechanism of the anger. I think that each person plays different roles in his life (to be a son, a father, a friend, a husband, the job he does,...) and that one has to switch between them all the time, cause only one role can be played at once. All these different roles of the person are in some way balanced and are in the harmony. When two or more of them become opposed, there arise a tension. And from it become an anger. Angry person is a person who fights within himself, between different roles. The other persons, the others are used only to represent some of the roles of the angry person. So, in some way the others are abused. When the others block the angry person they bring the fight back in the angry person himself, where it belongs. Cause abusing the others it is a run away, kind of! When the pain within (the one that tried to be avoided) will become unbearable, the angry person will find, will switch to the new approach, new look at the problem and he will progress.

 

 

Best regards,

 

Simona

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Tashi Delek, Simona

 

It would be also good to know what makes someone angry, the mechanism of the anger.  

Simona

 

If you ask someone: What are you angry for ? :v What answer will you get ?

 

They will tell you the answer and you can try and analyse.

 

Best wishes

 

Jure

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Tashi Delek!

 

Nevertheless: I am looking for something which stopps this sensitivity.

 

I apologise in advance as the suggestions I will write down now will be so plain and boring. :wink:

Here they are:

- take care to include physical activity into your everyday schedule, preferrably outside, and even better in nature;

- take care that your diet is balanced and nutritious enough; and eat regularly, avoiding longer periods of being hungry;

- keep to a sensibly regular and well-organised schedule in your everyday life;

- if you feel dizzy after an unpleasant encounter and your head is spinning, put a small pinch of salt on your tongue.

 

Best wishes. :)

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Tashi delek,

 

- take care to include physical activity into your everyday schedule, preferrably outside, and even better in nature; .

- I do everyday regularly prostrations from the ngöndro part

 

 

- take care that your diet is balanced and nutritious enough; and eat regularly, avoiding longer periods of being hungry;.

. I am eating mostly bio products. I eat around 5 times a day in average, but not to fixed times and I am eating warm whenever I can as I have digestion problems, also for breakfest

 

 

- keep to a sensibly regular and well-organised schedule in your everyday life;..

- well my life could be more organzized, that is true, I am going too late at bed ( 1 sometimes 2 o`clock in the morning )and I do not do things at a fixed time like learning, meditating , but what I am doing every day that is mostly fixed.

 

- if you feel dizzy after an unpleasant encounter and your head is spinning, put a small pinch of salt on your tongue..

I do not feel dizzy nor is my head spinning after feeling someones else energy may it be good or bad. Just a very very strong negative energy which is directed at me , like somebody shouting at me, almost hitting me, that causes me problems, as described

 

 

But anyway thank you for your advices.

 

 

With all my best wishes

Csillag

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