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Guest Felix

Practice Of Mothers

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Guest Felix

Tashi Delek!

 

I'm not a mother so my observations and questions might be completely out of place.

 

Watching mothers, especially the young ones, I can understand why sentient beings are told to be our loving mothers. It is amazing how unconditional their care for a child can be - whatever they do, they keep an ear and an eye on a child. :wub:

 

On the other hand, I often hear them complain that they have problems with concentration. No wonder: most of the time their attention is outside themselves, not within them. Besides, a child has short concentration, so mothers can hardly find a longer period of time for a peaceful meditation. Through years, this even tends to become a habit of doing many things at once and distracting her mind with trivialities. Not conductive for inner peace. :huh:

 

A mothers seem to have worse conditions for spiritual practice then the rest of us. What can she do about it? Can she simply do the minimum of daily practice and dedicate her work with the child for the benefit of all beings? Is there a way to transform her obstacles into practice?

 

Another question: attachment between a mother and a child is a source of suffering for both of them. How could a mother prevent herself from becoming attached to her children? :mellow:

 

Respectfully,

Felix

 

P.S.: I guess to some extent this is relevant also to a father, but as a child during the first two years depends more on his mother, I would think the intensity is higher here. And it seems that in our culture women are more strongly leaning on relationships. But of course this depends on a person. B)

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Tashi delek,

 

I will keep in consideration that you are not a mother...

It seems that you are idealizing the roles and situations. Mothers, as fathers, as all others, are sentient and human beings, with their ignorance, mistaken understanding, and emotions.

 

Yes, in our societies, women are far more often in charge of the children. Some appreciate, some complain. Yet, it is so because of their will. Whenever, in the past history of the Western countries, and mainly due to feminism, men were more in charge of children, women experienced frustration and reversed quickly the situation... as if men were "stealing their function". Women complain often to be the one always in charge of children, but they wouldn't give this away, and often do not even want to share it too much with the fathers.

 

The idea that children should be under close care of the mother only during the first years of their life has been mostly established by women psychologist, pedagogue, and such. This is true from a functional point of view ie. They only can breastfeed the baby. Yet, from a psychological point of view, a child need both, at anytime. Even before birth.

 

An other thing to consider. We often accuse men to be "tough", macho, aggressive, etc. Given the fact that education is mostly given to children by the mother in our societies, who might be mostly responsible for the behavior of the boys?

I could make a book about how mothers are inculcating the future behavior of their boys, telling them things like: "you are a boy, you shouldn't cry", "don't act as a girl, you should be tough", and such. Boys are raised, by their mother, grand-mother, women teachers, etc., as tough, insensitive, macho. And after they complain about it. But why do the society raises children on the basis of stereotypes (boy as “Rambos” and girls as “sissies”)?

 

I don't believe that men are women are so different. After all, the mind is the same. Same mental factors, same nature. It's what we are raised to believe in which makes the difference, mostly. Sensitivity, love, as well as firmness, strength, are in all human beings, mothers and fathers. Up to each to find the right balance in themselves, according to situations, to provide the best for their surrounding, children and adults.

 

As about the statement, "a mother seem to have worse conditions for spiritual practice"... Given the fact that when taking care of children we have definitely more opportunity to put into practice all the Dharma we have learned, I would say that parents (mother AND father) can have a much better situation to practice Dharma.

Is spiritual practice only to sit, crossed leg, eyes closed? Surely not. Spiritual practice is every moment of our life, day and night. It is in our capacity to apply in each moment all the Dharma we have learned. The six Perfections are not a mere object of study, but guidelines for our whole life.

 

All the best, Gelong T. Shenphen

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Guest Felix

Tashi Delek!

 

Thank You for the answer, ven. Lama Shenphen Rinpoche. Especially for this part:

Spiritual practice is every moment of our life, day and night. It is in our capacity to apply in each moment all the Dharma we have learned. The six Perfections are not a mere object of study, but guidelines for our whole life.
As I understand, the situations that make sense of our life are the ones, that turn us away from self-cherishing and take in consideration the benefit of the others. Besides parenthood, this could be also other situations that challenge our comfort, habits, attachments, aversions, laziness...

 

Now I can understand better why the Eight Verses of Training the Mind (which are about Six Perfections, aren't they?) are talking that without the others, we couldn't practice generosity, patience... up to Wisdom. Thank You again.

 

Respectfully,

Felix

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An other thing to consider. We often accuse men to be "tough", macho, aggressive, etc. Given the fact that education is mostly given to children by the mother in our societies, who might be mostly responsible for the behavior of the boys?

I could make a book about how mothers are inculcating the future behavior of their boys, telling them things like: "you are a boy, you shouldn't cry", "don't act as a girl, you should be tough", and such. Boys are raised, by their mother, grand-mother, women teachers, etc., as tough, insensitive, macho. And after they complain about it. But why do the society raises children on the basis of stereotypes (boy as “Rambos†and girls as “sissiesâ€)?

So true... Although sometimes I feel that deep down, behind the "politically and socially correct" complaining, many women are in fact "happy" that men behave this way... Otherwise why would they continue raising their children like this? I guess for many of them, this is in fact the way "true" men must behave... I'm sure we can trace this back to prehistoric times, when "only the strong survived" and the clan needed fearless men in order to bring in the meat and protect the clan... I'm sure that behind the apparent complaining, there is in fact much satisfaction... It's exasperating, isn't it???

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Tashi Delek.

 

Let me start with the thought of Reinhold Messner: â€The possession doesn`t matter, what matters is the challenge.†As I understand the human mind, there are basically two tendencies or inclinations within. First one tends to hold and keep the things as they are and the second tends to move, to go one, to change. And these two tendencies are differently manifested in one`s mind. I would dare to say that women, which try to raise their sons as tough, themselves are too overwhelmed with the idea of holding and keeping things. And from this aspect the real motivation behind is to possess the child, to keep him dependent. And being tough and detremined, such men would believe that they experience the challenge, as they would experience only the taste of it. To finish my writtings, the things can also be reversed and those two inclinations are not necessary linked to the gender. It is important that every person balance both tendencies within and I can tell you that I met men as well as women who are tough and at the same time sensitive. As the sensitiveness is actually needed to experience the challenge, what ever that challenge would be...

 

Best regards,

Simona

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