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Guest Felix

Self-confidence

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Guest Felix

Tashi Delek.

 

To my experience, most of us to a large extent depend in our ideas about ourselves on the others. If others praise us, we feel good, if they criticize us, we feel bad. No matter how childish it is.

Sometimes you can find people who are so full of self-consciousness, that they see in most of the critics a mistake in the others.

Sometimes you can also find people who have so very high demands towards themselves (or high ideals that they wish to reach at least partly), that they are never satisfied with themselves, whatever they do, whatever somebody else tells them... Many of them are tireless in their efforts for a better world, :bow: often respected by the others, but still have constant doubts in themselves, believing that actual needs and their limitations are much higher than their achievements. I keep meeting this kind of people. Their attitude seems to be so deeply enrooted in them, that I don't know what can help. Any suggestion?

 

Respectfully,

Felix

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Tashi Delek.

 

To my experience, most of us to a large extent depend in our ideas about ourselves on the others. If others praise us, we feel good, if they criticize us, we feel bad. No matter how childish it is.
There could be positive consequences, if the others accept and confirm the image that we hold about ourselves. On the other hand, it could be a kind of a self-deception.

 

Best regards,

Simona

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Guest Felix

Tashi Delek.

 

Thank you for your answer. :bow:

 

I meant childish from the point of view of impermanence.

 

Usually low self-esteem is defined as lack of belief that one can do or become something, which acts as an impediment for any effort or activity; in this way it is close to laziness.

But, this is not the case that I'm talking about - despite being very engaged, people can doubt in themselves. So I wonder what could help, besides knowing that it is a result of karma and it will pass. For me, this is too wide spread pattern to leave it aside.

 

A very general paraphrasing of the same question would be: what is a healthy self-esteem from a Buddhist point of view, taking in cosideration teachings about impermanence, Emptiness, mind training practices, Bodhicitta...?

 

Respectfully,

Felix

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Guest Ani.Chödrön

Tashi Delek,

 

i think the Teachings about Buddha Nature can offer an answer. It is said that the nature of our mind is clear and all-knowing (or, empty and radiant). In contemplation about the nature of one's mind, one can find the “ground†for self-confidence, yet avoid the “traps†of ego's deceptions.

 

“Whenever clouds gather, the nature of the sky is not corrupted, and when they disperse, it is not ameliorated. The sky does not become less or more vast. It does not change. It is the same with the nature of mind: it is not spoiled by the arrival of thoughts; nor improved by their disappearance. The nature of the mind is emptiness; its expression is clarity.†(Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche)

 

There is another point: the extreme of too strong ambition (inner or outer) or impetuous wish to avoid one's mistakes can represent an obstacle and strengthen the tensions of dual way of thinking. Just as its socially less accepted counterpole, laziness, plunges one deeper into duality.

 

“Thus samsara is emptiness, nirvana is emptiness - and so consequently, one is not "bad" nor the other "good." The person who has realized the nature of mind (...) is like a young child, who contemplates the world with an innocent simplicity, without concepts of beauty or ugliness, good or evil. He is no longer the prey of conflicting tendencies, the source of desires or aversions.†(Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche)

 

All the very best,

chödrön

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